This weekend brought an end to the life of Usama bin Laden, possibly one of the humans most feared by the US in a *long* time. He founded and was the charismatic recruiter for Al Quaida, a terrorist organization that attacked the US on our own soil and beyond. At the news of his death, there were videos of dancing, singing, whooping-and-hollering celebration in many locations, inside the US and out (mainly US-affiliated bases, embassies, etc. from my understanding). It was as if evil itself had been conquered. Even our President broke into broadcast television to announce the news and lauded the event with a proclamation of "Justice has been done."
As a pacifist and a mama, I'm torn right now. To celebrate the death of a human at the hands of another human is wrong in my eyes. We are all people, whether good or bad. And to celebrate this death when it will surely be followed by a new leader seems preemptive and presumptive. More than that I have to ask why are we celebrating like this? This is a man with many, many horrible deeds on his head, no doubt, and multiple standing criminal charges against him. If he was truly the mastermind behind the attacks on September 11th, 2001, then he has over 3,000 deaths that are his responsibility in that one day. Unfortunately, he will never be brought to trial, so we will never see the evidence for or against his involvement there. I understand that for many people, they have waited for this day since then, and this brought a bit of closure, but let's please not mistake closure for justice. I don't know many of us who teach our children that justice means "an eye for an eye" any more, and the best way to teach is by example. This celebration certainly doesn't teach our children non-violence or respect for life, either.
While I'm confounded by our response to this event, I'm also baffled at the lack of perspective. I must state again that yes, this was a very bad man, but I've heard many compare him to Saddam Hussein or Adolph Hitler lately. How accurate is this? For one thing, he was never a leader of state- in fact, his own state revoked his citizenship years ago; he was a stateless leader of a stateless group. The scale, also, is far from similar. Hitler had the deaths of millions on his shoulders, and Hussein hundreds of thousands. Here in the US, we have a more similar death toll in Iraq and Afghanistan each, and yet we don't hold our leaders or ourselves responsible for those deaths. We loose more humans each year to drugs, poverty, gang violence, suicide, and malnutrition each than how many we have lost to bin Laden. Sixty-six years ago, the suicide of Hitler brought outrage that he would not be held responsible for and face trial for the murders which he instigated, and would therefore he would never face justice. Two days ago, we declared justice for orders of magnitude fewer deaths to be an assassination.
How does one person instill so much fear and hatred in an entire nation? How have we changed so drastically in the time since World War II? Have we become this much more blood-thirsty and violent? Have we this little regard for human life? Is it due to attributes of bin Laden- his skin color, his nationality, or his religion? Is it because he attacked us on our own soil? What causes people to think and behave this way? Whatever it is, it certainly isn't compassion or rationality. It certainly is nothing that I'm proud to see, let alone be a part of. How do I explain this to my son- that even though our nation is acting in this way, it is not OK for him to emulate these sentiments, and that I can not condone these actions? How do I explain this and still teach him to be proud of our country, the principles upon which we were founded, and things we have accomplished? How do I instill in him this nationalism, pride, and patriotism, when I find it so hard to continue those feelings in my own mind?
My father was raised in a country of which he was proud, and he spoke up when he saw it going a way he did not like or approve; he died at a time when we were heading in the right direction and seemed to be getting back on track. He raised me to be proud of this country, and to believe that we could change- he was sure it would by the time my sister and I had grown up. I feel like I've been let down, and like he's been let down. Worst of all, I feel lied to about what a great nation we are. My consolation is the people with whom I surround myself, and hearing voices of reason ring out above the cacophony of negativity. It's still an uphill battle, and there's still a lot of fighting left to do in and for this country before we'll be a shadow of our former self, but there are people willing to fight. We're working together, and finding each other, and slowly we will gain ground. We will because we must. We will because the US needs this change toward humanity, compassion, and reason. We will because the next generation will not be lied to.
Showing posts with label Compassion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Compassion. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The Human Touch
We're currently living in an amazingly connected world, thanks to 24-hour news channels, satellite TV/telephone, the internet, social networks, 3G notworks, cell phone and other innovations. Because we are such a connected world, last week I was able to sit and watch live streaming broadcast of parts of the rescue of 33 Chilean miners, broadcast by a British television company. Forget two places at once, I was (virtually) in three places at once. More if you count the fact that I was on the Tor network while doing all this, so there were at least three other intermediary locations as well. In many ways, we've condensed the globe down to the size of computer chip.
But more importantly- do you know all the neighbors on your street? If you were out of flour, would you have to go to the store or could you ask a friend next door? With internet bullying in the forefront the past couple of weeks, I think we really need to consider our reactions to the virtual world and the physical world. I'm not knocking the virtual world- I think the interconnectedness is great. We can experience other cultures, get our news from a variety of sources, learn about so much more than our own little block, but it's for sure not the end-all-be-all, and it's important to keep that in perspective.
As humans, we're social beings and wired with the need for interaction with others. There's variation in how much interaction we need or want; ask an introvert and an extrovert how much time they like to be with people in a given day and you'll get vastly different responses. But besides the variation in quantity, there's also variation in quality. In person contact makes the biggest difference in our lives, with phone contact coming in close. Written letters make a fair amount of difference in how connected we feel to people, although virtual communication over the internet registers as almost nothing positive psychologically. Especially in times of stress, we need human contact. We need to feel like we belong. We need to feel like we have a place to turn. We need a shoulder upon which to cry. We don't get those things from the newer forms of communication. Instead, most people tend to feel less connected. There is no human touch like in a hand written letter, no quick response like a phone call, and definitely no physical connection or facial display of empathy. When the chips are already proverbially down, that added draw on our emotional reserves can be tragic.
Additionally, the anonymity of the internet allows people to not have to face the consequences of their actions, so the norm of being civil gets broken down. Unfortunately, it's harder to break down our need for empathy. All in all, moving more and more of our communication into the virtual world leaves fewer of our social needs met. At its worst, we end up with situations like some of the recent bullying and harassment cases, and as we've seen, potential to tragic deaths. Figuring out how to navigate this brave new world is going to have more bumps along the road, but I'm hopeful that we'll manage to figure it out.
And yes, I get the irony of writing this all on a blog instead of calling to talk to someone about it. :)
But more importantly- do you know all the neighbors on your street? If you were out of flour, would you have to go to the store or could you ask a friend next door? With internet bullying in the forefront the past couple of weeks, I think we really need to consider our reactions to the virtual world and the physical world. I'm not knocking the virtual world- I think the interconnectedness is great. We can experience other cultures, get our news from a variety of sources, learn about so much more than our own little block, but it's for sure not the end-all-be-all, and it's important to keep that in perspective.
As humans, we're social beings and wired with the need for interaction with others. There's variation in how much interaction we need or want; ask an introvert and an extrovert how much time they like to be with people in a given day and you'll get vastly different responses. But besides the variation in quantity, there's also variation in quality. In person contact makes the biggest difference in our lives, with phone contact coming in close. Written letters make a fair amount of difference in how connected we feel to people, although virtual communication over the internet registers as almost nothing positive psychologically. Especially in times of stress, we need human contact. We need to feel like we belong. We need to feel like we have a place to turn. We need a shoulder upon which to cry. We don't get those things from the newer forms of communication. Instead, most people tend to feel less connected. There is no human touch like in a hand written letter, no quick response like a phone call, and definitely no physical connection or facial display of empathy. When the chips are already proverbially down, that added draw on our emotional reserves can be tragic.
Additionally, the anonymity of the internet allows people to not have to face the consequences of their actions, so the norm of being civil gets broken down. Unfortunately, it's harder to break down our need for empathy. All in all, moving more and more of our communication into the virtual world leaves fewer of our social needs met. At its worst, we end up with situations like some of the recent bullying and harassment cases, and as we've seen, potential to tragic deaths. Figuring out how to navigate this brave new world is going to have more bumps along the road, but I'm hopeful that we'll manage to figure it out.
And yes, I get the irony of writing this all on a blog instead of calling to talk to someone about it. :)
Monday, March 22, 2010
Broader Reach
It has of late come to the forefront of my attention exactly how much our perception of one thing can influence our evaluation of something completely different. I am as guilty of this as anyone, although I try my utmost to avoid this contamination of prejudice. Kind of like an extended negative association. Negative association is the psychological phenomenon that lead Watson to seriously damage little Albert by connecting in his mind negative consequences (in this case fear caused by a loud noise) with a benign object, in this case white fur. The child was so traumatized that the child couldn't be approached by women in fur coats for years after the experiments, so the historical story goes.
Likewise, if you are highly opposed to supplements, then you may extrapolate that dislike to other things associated with supplements, even simply items in the same aisle of the grocer's as supplements- energy drinks, Ensure-like supplements, Emergen-C, air-sickness bands, or Ora-Gel for example. There's nothing that inherently links these items other than there placement in a store, but that association with supplements creates a dislike towards the other items. That's not to say there isn't a reason to dislike some of these things; supplements especially have questionable contents, little to no regulation and are far over-marketed.Our minds play funny tricks like that. Similarly, a bad experience with Aunt Edna's* latest "low-fat, low-sugar, high-fiber" recipe may be so bad as to turn a person off any food that claims to be "healthier" or "natural".
The worst thing that I can think about in regards to this scenario is when the phenomenon leads to discrimination against a group of people. This week, it appears that our Congress will debate and possibly vote upon the biggest health care reform legislation since the creation of Medicare/Medicaid. This possibility has created serious tensions and much backlash, especially from those in the Tea Party movement. Reports in my state's capitol of Columbus this week included the heckling and harassment of a peaceful pro-health care reform protester who happened to also have a disability. The Tea Partiers went so far as to throw money at this man, and proclaim such things as "I'll decide when you get money" and "There's no handouts here- you have to work for what you get." These were not illiterate high school drop outs, either, but instead well-dressed, professional looking individuals. In our country's capitol, there were ethnic, racial, and sexual orientation slurs thrown about, and spittle hurled at some of our members of Congress.
What madness has possessed people to sink to such blatant straw-man attacks rather than discuss the merits and drawbacks of the legislation at hand? It hurts to see humanity sink to this level. It hurts more to see this happen in my own country, and my own time. This is not the Spanish inquisition. This is not Selma, Alabama in the 1960's. This is not the McCarthy hearings of the 1950's. This is 2010, in the United States- a country founded by rational thinkers of the Enlightenment period.
*For the record, I have no Aunt Edna of which I know. There might be a great-aunt with that name somewhere, but no aunt, so I'm not actually libeling anyone. :)
Likewise, if you are highly opposed to supplements, then you may extrapolate that dislike to other things associated with supplements, even simply items in the same aisle of the grocer's as supplements- energy drinks, Ensure-like supplements, Emergen-C, air-sickness bands, or Ora-Gel for example. There's nothing that inherently links these items other than there placement in a store, but that association with supplements creates a dislike towards the other items. That's not to say there isn't a reason to dislike some of these things; supplements especially have questionable contents, little to no regulation and are far over-marketed.Our minds play funny tricks like that. Similarly, a bad experience with Aunt Edna's* latest "low-fat, low-sugar, high-fiber" recipe may be so bad as to turn a person off any food that claims to be "healthier" or "natural".
The worst thing that I can think about in regards to this scenario is when the phenomenon leads to discrimination against a group of people. This week, it appears that our Congress will debate and possibly vote upon the biggest health care reform legislation since the creation of Medicare/Medicaid. This possibility has created serious tensions and much backlash, especially from those in the Tea Party movement. Reports in my state's capitol of Columbus this week included the heckling and harassment of a peaceful pro-health care reform protester who happened to also have a disability. The Tea Partiers went so far as to throw money at this man, and proclaim such things as "I'll decide when you get money" and "There's no handouts here- you have to work for what you get." These were not illiterate high school drop outs, either, but instead well-dressed, professional looking individuals. In our country's capitol, there were ethnic, racial, and sexual orientation slurs thrown about, and spittle hurled at some of our members of Congress.
What madness has possessed people to sink to such blatant straw-man attacks rather than discuss the merits and drawbacks of the legislation at hand? It hurts to see humanity sink to this level. It hurts more to see this happen in my own country, and my own time. This is not the Spanish inquisition. This is not Selma, Alabama in the 1960's. This is not the McCarthy hearings of the 1950's. This is 2010, in the United States- a country founded by rational thinkers of the Enlightenment period.
*For the record, I have no Aunt Edna of which I know. There might be a great-aunt with that name somewhere, but no aunt, so I'm not actually libeling anyone. :)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Plane at Four
I'm blogging on the road, having left the house at some now distant ungodly hour Tuesday morning to leave on a jet plane for Sarasota, Florida. With plenty of fresh powder on the ground. Less than two weeks after the botched terrorist attempt by a man from Nigeria. With a four year old. In a plane filled with 100-watt perfume users. To arrive in Florida at one of the coldest cold snaps in a while. Oh my, what fun in store!
This left me with the conundrum of what to write. Do I cover the society/ethics questions raised by the logistical aspects of our flight, or the more philosophical pondering of parenthood on the road? For this one, I'm picking the parenting plot, because I need my blood pressure to come down a bit before I write on privacy and security. As a clarification before this thought train leaves the depot, when I refer to parent, I mean any person who cares for a child in the place of a parent, be there a biological connection or not. Adoptive parents, parents via surrogacy, step parents living with children, foster parents, family members raising children- you're all equal in my eyes in that you have all chosen to take on the task of caring for a child twenty-four hours out of every day, for an extended period of time. It is this day-to-day care and supervision that makes a child, not a biological connection. I'll leave dealing with the biological connection for another time.
One of the things I love and hate about parenting is the learning opportunities it affords Dwight and I. Admittedly, I love the chance to broaden my knowledge, I hate the constant questions that prompt this learning. Ken is very inquisitive, as are most four year old kids. That's great, and I wish more adults had this characteristic still residing within them. He's also very intelligent (I may be biased, but I've also been told this by many non-biased sources, so I feel safe in repeating the delusion here)- but not able to read yet. There goes the ready answer of "why don't you go to the library and find out" that I remember my father firing off to questions which he found uninteresting and for which he didn't have a good answer. We'll get there eventually, and I'm confident that this response for Ken will foster a similar love of the library that it fostered in me (enough to encourage me to volunteer at our local library from a young age, and then work at the library for my first job, by the way).
For now, however, this lack of literacy means that I get to be the one to find the answers to Ken's questions and relay them to him in a language he can understand. And repeat the process ad nauseum for each of the million questions that arise from the first answer. Really, I've learned about some great topics from culinary history to engineering thanks to this practice, but I've also lost countless hours of work/sleep/play time, brain cells, and much of my sanity in the process as well.
This isn't the only task that I had never thought that I'd have to take on as a mother. In fact, I will be the first to admit that there was much in my life now that I hadn't envisioned as part and parcel with parenting, and I have no doubt that more roles will pop up as we age as a family. I've had to become an advocate for my child with extended family and non-family that don't share Dwight and my ideologies and philosophies. I'm an interpreter between my child and others who don't quite speak Kennish. I'm social planner, organizer, family historian, photographer, document keeper, therapist, taxi, macaroni and cheese gourmand, negotiator, movie/music/TV/radio screener, and occasional wrestler and safety net. And that's in a good week.
Maybe I was just hideously unprepared beforehand, although I like to think not. I read the books. I went to parenting classes. I took developmental psychology, albeit for my psychology BS, not in direct preparation for parenting. There was even a time in which I thought I would condemn myself to early childhood education, so I had a few education classes as well.
My point in all this is two-fold. First, there's no such thing as "prepared" to be a parent, it doesn't happen. One can be more or less prepared, but like the loss of a parent, gaining a child is not something you can ever be truly prepared for. This fact, added to the statistic that currently half of US pregnancies are unplanned, and parenthood as one of the most important roles a person can take on, scares the bejeezus out of me. It also reminds me that I should have stuck with psychology for my career, because the need for trained therapists is very clear.
Secondly, to all the people out there who have not yet had the task of raising the next generation, please try to be a little more understanding of children and parents. Everyone who is now a parent has at one time been not a parent; we understand the draw to remain childless, and on some days really, really wish we could go back to those days. I appreciate the opinion of those who choose not to have children, and applaud your ability to recognize your own limitations and priorities. I'm not saying that the world should stop for children, but you were a child once as well, and children are most definitely human, so please don't act as though they are worse than plaque infested rats. Yes, they can be an annoyance; yes, they can be vaguely disgusting; yes, they can be rude, but you don't need to ostracize parents or act as though the world is ending because there's a tantrum going on across the room. If the parents are trying to handle it, then let them, don't add to their stress. We all deserve a little compassion in this life, and the next generation deserves the opportunity to learn and grow, just as you were given once. If nothing else, consider yourself helping the future by modeling patience and compassion instead of distaste and condemnation. Is that acceptable?
This left me with the conundrum of what to write. Do I cover the society/ethics questions raised by the logistical aspects of our flight, or the more philosophical pondering of parenthood on the road? For this one, I'm picking the parenting plot, because I need my blood pressure to come down a bit before I write on privacy and security. As a clarification before this thought train leaves the depot, when I refer to parent, I mean any person who cares for a child in the place of a parent, be there a biological connection or not. Adoptive parents, parents via surrogacy, step parents living with children, foster parents, family members raising children- you're all equal in my eyes in that you have all chosen to take on the task of caring for a child twenty-four hours out of every day, for an extended period of time. It is this day-to-day care and supervision that makes a child, not a biological connection. I'll leave dealing with the biological connection for another time.
One of the things I love and hate about parenting is the learning opportunities it affords Dwight and I. Admittedly, I love the chance to broaden my knowledge, I hate the constant questions that prompt this learning. Ken is very inquisitive, as are most four year old kids. That's great, and I wish more adults had this characteristic still residing within them. He's also very intelligent (I may be biased, but I've also been told this by many non-biased sources, so I feel safe in repeating the delusion here)- but not able to read yet. There goes the ready answer of "why don't you go to the library and find out" that I remember my father firing off to questions which he found uninteresting and for which he didn't have a good answer. We'll get there eventually, and I'm confident that this response for Ken will foster a similar love of the library that it fostered in me (enough to encourage me to volunteer at our local library from a young age, and then work at the library for my first job, by the way).
For now, however, this lack of literacy means that I get to be the one to find the answers to Ken's questions and relay them to him in a language he can understand. And repeat the process ad nauseum for each of the million questions that arise from the first answer. Really, I've learned about some great topics from culinary history to engineering thanks to this practice, but I've also lost countless hours of work/sleep/play time, brain cells, and much of my sanity in the process as well.
This isn't the only task that I had never thought that I'd have to take on as a mother. In fact, I will be the first to admit that there was much in my life now that I hadn't envisioned as part and parcel with parenting, and I have no doubt that more roles will pop up as we age as a family. I've had to become an advocate for my child with extended family and non-family that don't share Dwight and my ideologies and philosophies. I'm an interpreter between my child and others who don't quite speak Kennish. I'm social planner, organizer, family historian, photographer, document keeper, therapist, taxi, macaroni and cheese gourmand, negotiator, movie/music/TV/radio screener, and occasional wrestler and safety net. And that's in a good week.
Maybe I was just hideously unprepared beforehand, although I like to think not. I read the books. I went to parenting classes. I took developmental psychology, albeit for my psychology BS, not in direct preparation for parenting. There was even a time in which I thought I would condemn myself to early childhood education, so I had a few education classes as well.
My point in all this is two-fold. First, there's no such thing as "prepared" to be a parent, it doesn't happen. One can be more or less prepared, but like the loss of a parent, gaining a child is not something you can ever be truly prepared for. This fact, added to the statistic that currently half of US pregnancies are unplanned, and parenthood as one of the most important roles a person can take on, scares the bejeezus out of me. It also reminds me that I should have stuck with psychology for my career, because the need for trained therapists is very clear.
Secondly, to all the people out there who have not yet had the task of raising the next generation, please try to be a little more understanding of children and parents. Everyone who is now a parent has at one time been not a parent; we understand the draw to remain childless, and on some days really, really wish we could go back to those days. I appreciate the opinion of those who choose not to have children, and applaud your ability to recognize your own limitations and priorities. I'm not saying that the world should stop for children, but you were a child once as well, and children are most definitely human, so please don't act as though they are worse than plaque infested rats. Yes, they can be an annoyance; yes, they can be vaguely disgusting; yes, they can be rude, but you don't need to ostracize parents or act as though the world is ending because there's a tantrum going on across the room. If the parents are trying to handle it, then let them, don't add to their stress. We all deserve a little compassion in this life, and the next generation deserves the opportunity to learn and grow, just as you were given once. If nothing else, consider yourself helping the future by modeling patience and compassion instead of distaste and condemnation. Is that acceptable?
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