Play the Changes

Tonight was the Yo-yo Ma/Silk Road Ensemble concert for Ken and I at Blossom Music Center.  It was kind of last minute-ish as I only really noticed anything about it this week.  We managed to get lawn tickets, and kids under twelve are free on the lawn for Blossom Festival shows, so it was a great cheap evening and come on- kids need to see great cellists, right? 

I'll admit it was about 180 degrees from what I had expected, but it was spectacular none the less.  Yo-yo Ma- my original reason for wanting to go- was there mainly as a concert master and for one encore piece only.  The show was very much about his Silk Road Ensemble, a group composed of a whole range of ethnicities, cultures, and musical traditions, all sharing the common thread of being somehow associated with the historic Silk Road.  Inspiration for their compositions range from traditional Chinese songs, to Persia, to gypsy to Greek influences.  Lots of traditional instruments like the khaen (or a relative), the gaita, the pipa and the tabla.  Really, it's fusion music to the Nth degree.

There's no hiding the fact that this summer has been difficult for Ken and I.  Two passionate individuals with a healthy dose of obstinance in each, and very different goals for their time together.  To say we butt heads periodically is the understatement of the year.  Lately, with my time even more limited due to teaching, it's been getting worse.  I approached tonight with at least a little trepidation, especially considering how the day started at home.  The start to the day include blatant disobedience and much intentional button-pushing.

Come 7:30 PM, we were settled on the lawn at Blossom and discussing the evenings events.  He had some time to unwind (read- go crazy) and the show started at eight.  As soon as the music started, it was like a switch was flipped.  He was listening intently, and asking questions (quietly, even!), staring in rapt attention at the performers.  He was describing what images the music brought to his mind, and the images tied in to the actual descriptions we had read, showing that he most likely paid attention to our conversation.  It was a magical and Earth-shaking night, and something of which I was in desperate need. 

I never imagined myself as a mother.  My image of motherhood had been so broken after dad died, I was positive that my being in that position as primary care-giver and nurturer would be a disaster.  Now I can't imagine life without the title of "mama" or "parent" being part of my experiences.  Being a parent is a beautiful, horrific, devastating, uplifting series of events.  It's the thrill of discovery and the joy of true love and the humility of an education all wrapped into one day, or even a few moments.  It's the only thing I can think of that is every bit as tortuous as it is ecstatic, with a fair share of flat out disgusting thrown in for good measure. 

That's why I do what I do.  Every person that desires it, deserves to have the experience of parenting.  And I, admittedly selfishly, enjoy being a part of that process.  I like helping others get to that point.  Surrogacy and egg donation are often described as "journeys" and they very much are just that.  Just as a shirpa guides travelers to go where they wish, surrogates and egg donors assist others attain what they want.  It's a struggle for all involved, their are extreme physical demands, and their may be bumps, and the outcome may be less than what was intended, but together all parties involved walk side by side and help each other navigate the path. 

That journey continues into parenthood, with the parent and child taking up the hiking staffs.  Ken has risen to the challenge of me, and I have risen to the challenges that are parenthood.  We have stooped down to pick each other up when we fell.  And together we continue- up and down, right and left, creating a dance that is every bit as creative and destructive and just as important as the dance of Shiva and Kali.  Together, we have grown a hundred feet taller than I ever thought either of us could be.  I would not be the person I am today without him, and he would not be the person he is without me- for better or for worse.  All I can do is fight the human parts of myself and try my best to ensure that there are more notches on the "better" side than the "worse" side of the equation.  All I can do is try my best to help him to be better than me, and to leave the world a little better than we found it.

Yes, I still exist; no, I'm not in London

If, we've emailed in the past, you may have received an unfortunate email from me recently.  This email stated that I was in London, England, had been mugged, and was receiving no assistance from the embassy or the police.  The simple reason I wasn't getting any help from anyone- I wasn't in London.  I was at home.  The person who sent the email was also not in London, but in Nigeria (not joking!).  My email account was hacked.  It's now back under control, albeit in much disarray.  The perpetrator not only sent out fraudulent emails, but ransacked my space by deleting all contacts, sent emails, my inbox, and all other emails in that account.  They also changed a bunch of security settings and forwarded my email address to lkregulla@yahoo.com (note the two "L"s).  I'm back in the process of restoring order to my cyber-world.

Proximally, no harm was done.  No one with whom I've had communication sent any sensitive information to the scam artist.  There was no rash of slander, libel, absurdity, or meanness.  I did, however, hear from many people with whom I don't have as much communication as I would like, through no fault of anyone's, just the byproduct of hectic lives.  That was the only upside of the whole thing- the outpouring of concern and reconnecting. 

Ultimately, the episode has severely shaken my faith in humanity.  I've heard of internet scam artists, I've been the recipient of fraudulent emails, but I've always viewed it with an air of humor.  Surely, no one believes these emails, right?  Everyone knows enough to be skeptical about requests for money or claims of international lottery winnings, right?  And the email addresses utilized for this end are dedicated emails without an honest, real person on the other side, right?  How wrong one can be. 

I had a strong password.  I used different passwords for different accounts.  I don't use public computers.  I thought I did everything right.  Again, how wrong one can be.  I'm thankful that there was no horrible, or even a bad outcome to this situation.  I'm hurt to be reminded that people do engage in malicious and fraudulent behavior.  I'm glad to know that if push came to shove, I have friends that would have my back.  And they can recognize me from some stranger- mainly due to having the "mouth of a poetic sailor", my good grammar, and my invulnerability.  I <3 my friends.

I mentioned earlier that the scam artist was most likely from Nigeria.  This assertion is based on their IP address, and I do realize that IP addresses can lie (not that I have any experience- cough- Doctor Who- cough).  But it seems ironic that this particular person originated from Nigeria, the stereotyped home of internet scams.  Nigeria also happens to have a history of violence and economic disparity possibly worse than our own economic divide.  There's arguably a reason people are desperate and resort to desperate measures there.  Is this what we want for more of the world?  Ethnic/sectarian divisiveness, economic and social oppression, and general melee to make individuals resort to tactics of last resort?  This is a globalized world, and national borders no longer contain criminals, violence, oppression and hopelessness.  National boundaries also cannot contain hope, justice, love, equality, freedom and tolerance.  Which world are you helping to create?  How are you helping to shape the future?

Really briefly

Another blogger is celebrating her 1000th post, over at Ni Hao Y'all and to celebrate she's giving one dollar for every comment to An Orphan's Wish.  Go help her spread some love to kids that really need it.  Thanks also to Rarejule at Mining with Rarejule for pointing out the comment-a-thon, she really is a rare jewel.

Perfection

In today's world, it's easy to get wrapped up in flaws and short-comings.  There is a huge selection of "self-help" books based on the premise that you should do better.  Diet industries point out our physical size and proportions.  Tutoring and test-preparation services point out our intellectual needs.  Seminars, retreats, and meetings exist to help us overcome our flaws. 

At the same time, we are shown by marketers an ever increasingly false depiction of humans.  Airbrushing, Photoshopping, extensive makeup, multiple "handlers" and specialized clothing (support garments, for one) give the impression of perfection when trying to sell us products.  The message is that "Perfect people buy this.  You can be one step closer to perfect if you do, too."  We are pressured to be our best and recognize all our faults- that's how producers make money.  Many entrepreneurs are billionaires because they could recognize a way to make money off of insecurity. 

Contrast this with the message of "Love is blind."  I'm not going to go into the religious aspects of it, because I think the phrase itself has come to mean something far bigger than just its spiritual ties.  I'm also not entirely sure that I agree with the statement.  I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiments, but not the exact words.  Love between humans does see flaws, but loves them as part of you, or wants to help you overcome them, not that humans delude ourselves into thinking our beloved is faultless.  Real, true, deep love is about the person, and flaws are a part of people.  To love while not seeing flaws is to worship blindly, and in human relationships, that isn't a healthy thing.  That leads to some pretty big disappointments.  Love means loving the person, faults and all.

All that being said, I think everyone deserves one person in their life who equates them with perfection.  One person that idolizes you and worships you.  That person may come into your life and leave, or they may eventually come to love you as they discover the flaws, but to have that feeling that you have no flaws, you have no short-comings- that is something that everyone deserves at some point.  We all also deserve to learn from the pain that comes when we're found out to be mortals.  We only grow by challenging ourselves to do better and over coming obstacles.

Who is your perfect person, who idolized you, and how did those situations resolve?  For me, my father was my perfect person; I learned of his mortality through lyposarcoma. 

Jesus is Dead

No, not the be-sandalled prophet of 2000 years ago, the Touchdown Jesus of I-75 in Ohio, just north of Cincinnati.  Also known as King of Kings, Butter Jesus, Swamp Jesus and other names (he of many names, remember?).  One really can't make up this sort of hilarity, really.

The response has been varied, to say the least.  Everything from peals of laughter to cries that the end times are a'coming.  Bob and Tom even had someone write and sing a song for the occasion. 

Personally, I'm a bit saddened.  Not because of the loss of great art or anything of the sort, just because it's such an icon around my home.  Everyone knows it, even if they don't care one whit about the religion behind it.  It's a piece of shared history and culture, like a favored but bad hometown restaurant. 

At the same time that I feel loss at this natural disaster (or act of god, however you prefer to see it), I feel a bigger loss at the idea that it will be rebuilt.  This thing made of styrofoam and fiberglass was almost universally recognized as an oddity.  It was an oddity that, according to insurance replacement estimates, cost $300,000 to build.  Especially during this time of serious economic hardship, couldn't that 300K be spent on something more, well, Christian?  Food for the poor?  Help with daycare?  Homeless shelters?  Medical care for the uninsured?  Really, anything? 

Instead, the creators of Touchdown Jesus have decided that it's better to spend money building false idols than to actually help people that need it.  Nice.  Good work, once again, followers of the Nazarene.  Proselytizing and converting heathens really is just that important to you, eh?  More important than following those crazy commandment things or the golden rule, huh?  Here, let me help give you a pat on the back.  With a cat o'nine tails.

Inactive

I've been spending the past few days visiting with family on Ohio's north coast (yes, Ohio has coastline- it's Lake Erie).  My mother in law rents a cottage every year at a Chattaqua community in Ohio for her church's annual conference, and invites the family to come along.  It's kind of nice- I cook and clean and try to get something done, and we get a little family vacation thing. 

For those of you that don't know them, Chattaqua villages were planned as religious communities in the 19th century.  A place to learn about religion, study, pray, and have community.  Obviously, I'm not there for the religious aspect but there are always some interesting conversations to be had.  Dwight and I aren't opposed to religion, we just haven't found one that fits our family yet.  It's a little insight for us into current issues in the Christian church, or at least this denomination. 

One thing really struck me this year, about the conference and about the attendees.  That was the level of inactivity.  Resolutions were passed on important subjects like conservation, human trafficking, and fair trade.  Resolutions not to do anything, but to become more informed, or think about, or try.  All of these were non-binding resolutions. 

One conversation in particular struck me.  Apparently a teen asked of the fair trade resolution whether that meant he had to buy more expensive stuff if the cheaper stuff was made with child labor, or if he could still buy cheap.  To me, as an outsider, that seems like it would be the perfect time to point out that happiness is wanting what you have not having what you want, or that another person's right to earn a fair wage outweighed your right to lots of cheap stuff, or that simply child labor was wrong.  Apparently, as an outsider, I would be wrong on all of these counts, and instead the right thing to do is to point out that the resolution was non-binding and simply asked for information. 

To say I was disappointed would be a vast understatement.  What happened to being active in advancing morals and ethics?  What happened to encouraging people to strive for improving the community and helping those less fortunate?  What happened to walking the walk instead of just talking the talk?  What happened to bettering ones self?  This is the stuff I have a problem with- when religion is there to help people feel good about themselves for no good reason.  When religion is about personal wellness more than doing what's right for the broader community, it's time to rethink a few things. 

Shhh..

The damn dam is gone!  Free range river, coming through.

You can almost hear the river restoration happening.