Thursday, January 19, 2012

Tides of Change

Gah.  (I've been saying that a lot lately) 

Talk about changes.  God willing and the creek don't rise- I'll be Doctor Lisa Regula Meyer in May.  Some have already taken to calling me this, saying that since I am ABD (all but dissertation) I'm entitled to the honor.  I don't feel worthy of it.  I'm teaching as an adjunct at Hiram College this term, and my students mainly call me Professor.  I don't feel worthy of that either.  Those are titles for distinguished individuals who have lead charmed lives.  Not poor kids from a back-woods rural road and living in the ghetto of Kent, Ohio and wearing torn, old, tattered clothes.  It's been especially hard because I keep hearing so often that Kim (my sister) was so pretty.  So funny.  So kind.  So smart.  Starting to turn things around.

The whole thing seems so close but so far away.  How on earth am I going to finish everything I have to do before the end of March?!  And what happens then?  I know I'm taking the summer off, to work on side-projects, to write for my self, to have a breather after six long years, to remind myself what it's like to not have deadlines constantly breathing down your neck.  But what after that?  I have applications in, including one to Hiram, for tenure track positions.  Tenure track.  Why am I thinking about tenure track?!  I've gone insane.  And I'm sure the search committee is going to see right through me.  I can't fool them, the professionals.  They'll know I'm not one of them.  They'll no I'm not professor material.  They'll see the goofy scared kid underneath.  They'll know I'm not one of them.  I don't belong. 

And then what?

Six years.  A lifetime of work.  A mountain of student loans.  For what?  To be right where I was 20 years ago?  The kid that didn't fit in?  Gah.

I keep saying "Fake it 'til you make it."  But then what?  What if you make it and still don't believe it?  When do I wake up and realize it's just a dream?  Hopefully never. 

Monday, January 2, 2012

Bad News

There was an oversight on my part, and my petitions and declaration of candidacy has by disqualified.  On December 14th, 2011, the Ohio Assembly adopted HB 369, to converge the previously decided upon two primaries into a single primary, to write new district boundaries, and to eliminate the appropriation for the second primary.  On page 162 of this 167 page bill, there was a section added that read:

" (C) Any declaration of candidacy, declaration of candidacy and petition, or declaration of intent to be a write-in candidate filed by an individual seeking nomination or election for the office of President or Vice-President of the United States, member of the United States House of Representatives, at-large delegate and alternate to the national convention of a political party, or district delegate and alternate to the national convention of a political party that is filed for the 2012 primary election before the effective date of this act is null and void. The Secretary of State or the applicable board of elections promptly shall refund any filing fee paid by a person who filed such a declaration or petition.

A person whose declaration or petition is nullified and voided under this division who files again to become a candidate for nomination or election pursuant to division (B)(2) of this section is not disqualified as a candidate under section 3513.052 of the Revised Code and, if the person otherwise qualifies as a candidate, shall be placed on the ballot for nomination or election for that office at that election. "

There was no notice sent to affected petitioners, and I overlooked this provision.  I own my mistake.  Lesson learned- read legislative documents in their *entirety*. 

For now, I'm going to keep the Facebook page up (link to the right), and keep posting relevant information on here, because I can't guarantee that I've learned the "stay out of politics" lesson from this little trial.  If anything, this whole bit may have lit a flame.  Some people feel called to the ministry; in my way, I feel called to trying to improve my surroundings.  That's why I went to grad school- to learn more, and to apply that knowledge for the betterment of our society.  I'm not convinced that positive changes can be enacted through rallies, protests, marches, online petitions, and writing/emailing/calling our elected officials- they're too out of touch with reality, for the most part.  If we want change, we have to take it one step further, and put that much more effort into it, and be the change ourselves.  Or at least give it a good go to make them nervous enough that they'll listen. 

And let's face it- I'm just stubborn enough to try again once I set my mind to something.  So far, Dwight hasn't stopped me, and he hasn't shown that much interest in trying, either.  I think he just really wants to be a trophy wife.  ;)