Thursday, April 7, 2011

Did you forget me?

Yeah, I did too, so don't feel bad.  I've been in a total non-public head space for a while and just needed to back off a bit.  We introverts need that on occasion.  But don't worry, things have been good here.  Since my last post, I turned thirty.  No, that wasn't what kept me away, but it has kept me busy.  No trauma or drama associated with it, just feeling like it's time to stop playing and get real.  I've had thirty years to dork around and not do jack-sh!t, now it's time to get to work.  And I have!  Making progress toward my doctorate.  Focusing on my self and family.  Deciding that I just don't feel like wasting the emotional energy some people bring with them.  I need my energy, thank you very much, and I will no longer use it on people who really have nothing to offer me.  Is that selfish?  Is that cruel?  Now don't get me wrong- I'm talking about *nothing* to offer me here.  People that I associated with out of a feeling of obligation.  People that brought more negative into my life than I would like to handle.  People who are just an out-right emotional drain for me.  So I've been focusing the energy I had spent there onto myself, which has been hugely uncharacteristic for me.  But you know what?  I function better now that I've been making that effort.  I can't make anyone appreciate me, so I'll do it, and then not feel resentful because no one appreciates me.  I'm happier, and let's face it- if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, right?  And I find I have more energy when I'm happy.  So it all works out in the end.  All this extra energy has let me be a better spouse and parent as well, all while getting stuff done that I need to.  Still not everything I would like to do, but getting closer.  And let's face it, me without a to-do list is like a ship without a rudder.  Easily led astray, heading for a crash, and generally a bad idea.

And do you have any idea what's coming up?  Ten years.  Tenth anniversary.  With the same husband.  O_o  Yep, we made it.  And we're celebrating!  Renewing our vows on May 15th, and this time the "wedding" is what I want.  Hand fasting to focus on the constant work relationships take, very small private ceremony, and celebrating with a community potluck in the park after wards.  It's going to be a good day.  I hope yours has been and will continue to be one also.

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