Because I haven't in a while

I think there should be just about something for everyone here.

Recap

I hope everyone had a great weekend celebrating whatever and however you like, because we sure did. Weekend with the mother-in-law and sister-in-law went well, and even was able to tolerate the father-in-law reasonably enough. We left Kent after Dwight worked on the 24th and hit Cincinnati around 6 PM. Had a spectacular dinner at May's of China. Fabulous food, great atmosphere, local and a decent portion of organic to boot, with the bonus of perfect service and good prices. Denny gave Ken the gifts we bought, we gave Denny his gift and a certificate for when he goes out with Dwight's sister Monday.

Ken's birthday was spent at Newport Aquarium, alongside the other heathens that don't have much to do on Christmas. I really got some good pictures, thankfully. It was so cute- there were about three turtles and a crocodile all piled together in one display. True peace on Earth, right? Ken's cake was about as nerdly as you can get. He wanted Star Trek, he got Star Trek. I burned through my digital camera batteries, so you'll have to wait for those pictures, but I promise to show off exactly what a bunch of geeks our family is.

Saturday we discovered another new to us- Relish Modern Tapas in Mason. Again, I can't rave enough. Awesome food, fantastic experience. Can you tell I like food- pretty much our entire visit revolved around it. Oh, well, have to stay fed somehow, right? Enough gushing from me. Hope you enjoyed the weekend, and are getting as much done this week as I am.

Religion and Respect

There was an article that I found really interesting on National Public Radio yesterday that opened a deep can of worms with a very dear friend of mine. The short of the piece was a discussion of the schism among old and new atheists. The old guard believes that atheism is one option for individuals, and religion is another, but both deserve respect. The new guard blatantly calls for the end of religion, and denigrates believers. Not just Christians, but all believers. If you've visited this blog before, you probably can bet where I stand on this issue. Got that right- I stand on the side of respect, thus the title. Respect on both sides, those of any faith and those of no faith.

Imagine my dear heart breaking when the discussion I was having with a loved one ended up being a litany of "I respect your view, but...", and "If you don't mind, I'd like to pray for you" and "Just give God a chance, and He will answer all your questions." I was torn. I know this sentiment comes from a place of love, but the utter disrespect and disregard for my opinion was shocking. This person finds solace and comfort in her faith, and that's good. I'm happy for her. I was raised fairly religiously, went through Confirmation, went to Bible school, even taught Sunday school for a while. I even read the Bible. (Gasp! Shock!) For me, there was no comfort there, only more questions and a deep pit of angst. I tried, I gave God chances aplenty. It wasn't for me.

Now, I'm not going to say that I'm definitely an atheist. I participate in the campus Jewish community. I have helped out at the local Universal Unitarian church. I celebrate the pagan holidays. Heck, I celebrate other religious holidays just so our family can be exposed to other cultures and traditions. I see some form of divinity in many places, not the least of which are my husband, son, family and friends. And of course my wetlands and amphibians. I still think religion has it's benefits. It has inspired great good. And great evil. The same as science and reason. Neither deserves to be mocked and made fun of. Both options work for people.

I think, for me, the worst were those interminable "I'll pray for you" comments. Once again, I understand that this is her way of showing she cares. Prayer is a big part of our society. Even non-religious people I know in times of need will ask for kind thoughts or say something along the lines of "you're in our prayers". Prayer, thoughts, sentiments, whatever you want to call them- are not inherently bad. They have meaning and show compassion. But to pray for someone to be other than who they are- that's hurtful. Respect, and love, don't have but's associated with them. It's not "I love you, but..." To tell a minority "I pray for you" when discussing their race is not acceptable. For my cat to tell the neighbor's dog "I pray for you" when discussing the catbox- well, that's just wrong on many levels. To tell a homosexual "I pray for you" when discussing their sexual orientation is not acceptable.

To tell a person of another faith, or no faith, "I pray for you" when discussing belief systems is not acceptable. I would never tell her "I wish you reason" or "I wish you logic". Her belief works for her, and mine works for me. And that's the important thing. We are both good people (for the most part- my pagan side does have its moments to shine). We both love each other. No buts. No prayers necessary. Only respect. I wish she could understand that, and respect my beliefs.

Is that asking too much? Have I gone too far? Any thoughts- from those of any faith or no faith- are greatly appreciated on this topic.

Silliness

So the Duggars announced they're having child number nineteen. I am less than thrilled with this, although the general consensus appears to be elation among those who watch the family's show. Disclaimer- I don't watch their show, what I know of them comes from their website and other outside sources, but not their show. We don't have cable, I refuse to pay for TV.

This news and the reaction to it has really gotten me thinking. As an ecologist, nineteen children is anathema to my understanding. That's not ecologically responsible. We are close to or are already past the number of humans that can sustainably live on this planet. Don't believe me? Read How Many People Can the Earth Support? by Joel Cohen. Check out the Population Reference Bureau. Plenty of other sources, let me know if you're interested and I can provide you some starting material.

But the Duggars make their own soap, grow vegetables, buy used when possible, so the popular thought is that the live a more eco-concious life than most people, and thus have a smaller ecological footprint, right? I heartily disagree, personally. Plus the argument is that having children is a right, and no one should stand in the way of that right.

Contrast this thinking with Nadya Suleman, of octuplet fame earlier this year. She gave birth to eight children in one stay in labor and delivery, and is hated by many of the same people that love the Duggars. What are the differences? Well, for one, Nadya is single. And poor. And used IVF to have her children. I've heard plenty of times that Nadya had no right to have those children, which added to her six already made a total of fourteen kids.

So are children a right or aren't they? Rights are not earned by one's wealth, so the critical difference shouldn't be economic status- rights are rights. The right to parent also shouldn't depend on marital status. Few people say unwed teens have no right to be parents, and the LGBT groups are gaining the right to parent in lots of states. So that's not the critical difference. Both the Duggars and Nadya claim that all of their children are wanted and loved, and both are making money off of their children through marketing books, interviews and television, so those things are the same. Nadya has been criticised as being an unfit parent, but the Duggars pair children up to have the older ones raise the younger, and I don't see that proving to be "parentally fit", besides "fitness" as a parent is very much a subjective term, so that shouldn't decide who gets to have children and who doesn't. Nadya's children are all via IVF, and I have heard more than enough comments about "if you can't reproduce, you shouldn't" to last a lifetime. A large number of US citizens need help to conceive, so I would hope we were past this idea of ability equaling right. It could be a combination of all of these things, but I don't like any of them. Either procreation is a right or it isn't- you don't get to assign qualifiers to rights.

Which brings me to something else that has been wandering around in my head. Baby College is a program in Harlem for low income children. The program aims to give these children the best start that it can, and includes parenting classes, preschool, kindergarten, and charter schools to the children who's parent's stick with it. It's to level the playing field between low income children and middle/upper income children academically, so they have a chance to compete in the college and career world. One key point- the program is designed to get the *children* out of poverty, not the parents. It asks that the parents accept that they have to put their children first, ahead of their own wants. Save for college instead of buying a big TV. Pay for a tutor, not a bigger car. Really things that all parents should be expected to do, because isn't that our job as parents? To put our children first? Doesn't that include leaving an environmental legacy of conscientious resource use, and not abuse? Doesn't that include trying to ensure that our children have a sound environment to enjoy, and to provide them with clean air, water, and food? Why is the message of putting your children first OK for the poor, but not the rich? Children have a right to a sustainable future, and rights do not come with qualifiers.

Missing- One Blogger

I have to first off apologize for being MIA for a while. It's been crazy busy here on Rancho Insano. Mostly family demanding time that I don't have and my desire to meld both artistic and academic endeavors. Oh, and the Invasive Species Conference at UConn. Oi. Vey. Add in an exciting new friendship that is blossoming, gardens that need tending, house that needs cleaning, and projects that need completing, mix well, bake for 45 minutes at 350 degrees Fahrenheit, and voila! One frazzled me. Cool, slice, and enjoy. Best with Pinot Gris and French Vanilla frozen custard.

Kidding. Please don't eat me.

I just need to figure out how to clone myself and I'll have plenty of time. Or learn to say no. Either one. Really, it's OK, don't send out the men in white coats just yet. I've also been suffering some horrible insomnia, so that adds considerable time to the day in which to get s*&% done. School is still a while off, so I have time to keep cranking stuff out before the term starts. I love the pressure. Thrive off of it.

And (spoiler alert)- how in the h&#@ is Captain Jack a Dad?! And a Granddad?! He's easily the hottest bisexual grandpa ever. Love BBC.

I'll be back to more regular blogging shortly, and I promise to be in full swing for ICLW in a few days. How is it that time already? Any ideas for a new intro this month? What are other people doing?

Happy Birthday.

It's been a year. Today, at 9:52. I think? A couple of friends reminded me that it was today. A year ago today I gave birth to a little girl. I was a surrogate for two men. They might have been called friends once I think.

I'm not sure what to think, really. I'm not sad. I'm not overly happy. It's a fact that just is. That family is a year old now. I hope they're happy and healthy, and that she's starting to do one year old things. Maybe standing, or walking. Maybe making word-sounds.

It all seems so strange and distant. Another life. Perhaps something I read in a book somewhere. Oh, well. C'est la vie, yes?

Happy Birthday JAM.

Roles We Play

I've always been very proud of being OK bending gender roles. I wear men's clothing. Dwight and I have each done the stay at home parent thing. I know that I don't have a lot of feminine traits, and I'm perfectly fine with men who do.

So why do I get upset when Dwight is so 180 degrees from what my dad was like?

Dad was very mechanically inclined. A problem solver. Could fix anything. I have some of this, but not nearly as much as he had, and not nearly enough to do everything that needs done, it seems. But my mechanical abilities and problem solving skills are still far and away more than Dwight's. I don't say that as a put down, it's just a fact. He's way more tactful than I am. He's tons more socially adept. A far better parent. More calm. More able to function with people. More able to relax. There are plenty of things that he does better.

I know it's irrational. I know it's stupid. In general, we do a good job of complementing each other. Where I lack, he fills in. On some days it feels like the relationship is split 80-20%, with me doing eighty percent, and usually that doesn't bother me. Because I know that on other days it's 80-20, with him carrying me. Then days like today happen, when it infuriates me that he can't do the things I expect of him. That he can't do the things the I can't do; that I need done. That he can't do the things that dad was able to do.

Like assembling Ken's new-to-him trail-a-bike. By his account, he was simply taking his time assessing the situation before tackling the project. I jumped in head first and started doing. That's how I am. Frustration quickly set in. The back bike rack had to go. The seat needed taken off. The bushing wasn't the right size. This needed tightened. Something else needed loosened. None of the tools were where I put them. UGH!

During all this, what was Dwight doing? I'm still not sure. Nothing helpful at the moment, and that's what I noticed most. It was putting together a bike. And I had all together too much difficulty doing so. I'm not sure whether I'm more embarrassed that I couldn't do it, or that a part of me really hoped Dwight would do it. He's the one more into bikes anyway.

But the fact that I fell into stereotypical gender roles tears me apart. I can only hope he accepts my apology for this infraction.

Doing good can taste great!

OK, time for a picture post. All the foods seen in here- I grew! Well, except the pierogies. I don't have a pierogie bush, unfortunately. Or pie-tree. Or ice cream plant. I think that's probably a good thing. But all of the veggies in here are from our garden. All other ingredients are from within 30 miles. And all organic. And all delicious. It was a home-made day, entirely!

Ken enjoying pierogies and veggies.

Pierogies, zucchini, collards, turnip greens, garlic scapes, and peas. Crazy early zucchini, but small (plant and fruit). Volunteer from the compost heap.

Home made granola! Proving that I'm a hippie.

Lasagna leftovers from the other night.

Salad!

And the finishing touch- PIE A'LA MODE!

Melissas, Melindas, and all other sweet names

Yep, it's finally bee day! Here's some future honey components.

One of our workers.

Greeting old friends at the new house.

Renovations at the old place- hope the owner doesn't mind.

And Home Sweet Home!

I haven't put the whole thing back together at this point, but it's almost there. Letting the gals calm down and get aquainted. The upside down jar is a feeder, just to make sure they have plenty of food to recover safely from the move. Yeah! I'm so excited! So many fun things are happening!

Adventures in Wanderland

Well, I'm back from a slightly short of transcendental trip to the other side of the state. I was going back to my hometown and close towns for a mix a business and pleasure. I had a bunch of errands to run, people to see, and shopping to do so I started out early. Really early. Like 6 AM early. I could have been on the road sooner, but I waited for Dwight to wake up so I could say goodbye. The morning was gray, rainy, and a bit foggy so probably better that I started out later, anyway.

In a way, my timing was perfect because arriving where I did when I did was one of the things that made this trip so important. Not so much the planned parts, more the unplanned parts. Not to be misinterpreted, the planned parts were great fun, and helped me a lot, but the unplanned parts were the most meaningful by far.

First surprise was a fellow wanderer near the highway. Adam was going to Medina from Kent, and since that's on the way for me (mostly) I took him. He's a nice guy, just unlucky lately. Lost his job, car's not working, and needed to be in Medina for a job interview on Monday. Has a girlfriend, but she's pregnant and having trouble finding a job even though she's a Master's in education and has her teaching certificate.

In Medina, I picked up Phil, heading toward Ashland. He's working his way out to Chicago, but had to pick up some stuff at a friend's house along the way. Started in Philadelphia, two weeks ago.

Stephanie was in Ashland, just going over to Bucyrus. She was leaving her husband and going to live with her sister. They had been a one car family, and it was his car, so it stayed with him.

So what was the big deal about these people and how did they change my outlook so much?

Well, for the past few months, I've told myself I can't trust anyone after what happened. If I could trust someone as much as I had for the past year, and gotten hurt so badly, imagine what just a regular friend or neighbor could manage to do to my emotional state. For my own sake, I had to put up a wall.

But what does a wall do? It keeps dangerous things out, but any danger that is already in with you is trapped inside too. And it doesn't let any good, wholesome things in either. If you're familiar with a closed system, eventually the resources run out and the waste products build up, and that spells disaster. Stagnation. Fouling. Death.

Still don't get the connection?

Adding into the equation is a good friend that I met up with later yesterday. She offered me something that I thought I had been wanting desperately. But after she offered (and lots of thinking on an unfamiliar couch while I couldn't sleep), I realized that what she had offered to me was not what I was after. What she had offered me was merely a symbol of what I truly wanted, and Adam, Phil and Stephanie gave me what I was really craving- trust.

These three had trusted me, when they had no reason to, and I had trusted them when I had no reason either. They were stuck out in the rain and chill, hoping for someone to lend a hand. I was with my son, the reason I get out of bed each day (and the reason I want to crawl back in by noon some days, but that's another issue), looking for the better side of human nature. They sought help, but gave more than I could have ever imagined.

The fact of the matter is that humans do whatever they do, without much real reason. It's like chaos, every decision going one way or another, just because that's the way the cards fall. Yes, there are plenty of factors that can weigh into any given decision or action, but when push comes to shove our decisions are random. We're too illogical for it to be any other way.

We can't control our own actions, and we for d$mn sure can't control anyone else's, so the options are trust people to take the higher ground and believe in the positive side of human nature, or keep your guard up, believe the worst, and wait to whither and die for lack of vital nutrients- humanity and love.

The stores were running low, the wastes were building up, and I had realized that this was not a war that could be won. So I've decided to tear down the walls. Maybe I'll get hurt in the process, maybe the occasional maurauder will ransack the village, but I can trade for what I need, I can expand my own horizons, and I can have access to everything I need but can't make myself. It's the way I used to be, the way I want to be, and the way that makes sense. Who knows, maybe I'll even make friends with former enemies this way. But I can't go against my own human nature, and I can't shut myself in anymore.

Thanks to everyone that aided in this little discovery, you know who you are even if I don't mention you by name. And to those that would try to attack me still- go to h%ll. With the walls down, I can go mano y mano and you're gonna loose, either by my hand or by one of the many friends that I'm allowing over to my side and with whom I'm forming and renewing alliances.

And that was my big adventure for Friday. Hope you can realize some great truth that enriches your life as well, and I hope you can do it without the pain that it took me. Blessed be!