Sunday, May 24, 2009

On Balance

It's been a couple of crazy weeks lately- getting ready for my research season, setting things up, still have to clean up last semester's lab room, and trying to survive until vacation (where I plan to spend most of my time writing). Meanwhile, I feel like I've abandoned my son, garden, house, husband, and self. I do this too much, swinging between extremes of home and work. I admire the women that can keep things going at an even keel and find balance in their lives (or at least give more of a facade at that than I can). There's no pretending, I'm not good at balance, in any regard. I used to tell myself that in the end it evens out, but now I'm not so sure. Is there a way to do this balancing act of life well? Does anyone really know the secret? I sure don't, but I'd love to find out. I do mostly enjoy life the way it is- the crazy swings, the mad pace, burning the candle at both ends (and sometimes in the middle). It's exciting. It's invigorating. But not conducive to mental harmony. Or household harmony, for that matter. I'd like to be able to choose my level of franticness, and not have it thrust upon me due to an imbalance greater than usual.

Is that what we're fighting for now? the right to choose how much imbalance we have in our lives? Will there ever be a time when both men and women feel the strain of life on a tightrope? More accurately, given a set of duties, will both sexes ever divide them equitably? Or will we always be working that second shift after our daytime job is done? Is it even possible to divide family or home life equitably if you choose to nurse or do attachment parenting?

As crazy a goal as it may seem, I'll be happy if my son's life partner some day finds him or her self not having to walk such a thin tightrope, and feels that thanks to my son, his or her life has balance a bit more easily than I typically feel. Is that such a bad goal? To raise a male feminist?

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